You can work through a breakup using the 5-stage model by Elisabeth Kübler-Ross. The psychiatrist's model originally describes the grieving process of the dying.

It has become so popular because it's so easy to apply to all kinds of other grieving processes. For example, to getting over a breakup, too.
So, how can you get over a breakup? You'll find out in the following five steps.

Getting over a breakup: the first method

Getting over a breakup
  • 1. Denial: In this stage we don't want to accept the breakup yet. That's why many people seek contact with their ex-partner in this stage. This stage can also have exactly the opposite effect. Many people distract themselves just to avoid having to think about their ex. The fact that you're actually no longer with your partner has to be realized anew every morning. Sometimes the breakup is even kept from friends or family, because in this stage there's still a lot of supposed hope of getting back together with the ex-partner.

  • 2. Anger: Now we get angry, because we've understood that the ex is really history. The anger is often projected onto the ex. Many people become aware right now of everything that bothered them about their ex-partner. That we were with such a supposedly bad man now annoys us ourselves. We're envious of happy couples near us, and downright feelings of hatred arise.

  • 3. Bargaining: At some point this stage sets us back a little and we end up in a phase very similar to the beginning. From the earlier anger, a kind of hope arises again. The ex-partner receives promises or threats with which we try to get back together with them. This usually fails and we move on to the next stage, depression.

    Getting over a breakup: the final stages

  • 4. Depression: Our promises and hoping got us nowhere. That the relationship is over is now often accepted. We fall into a kind of depression. It brings deep sadness with it. We have trouble sleeping, are listless and unmotivated. Often we have no appetite. The thought that we'll never be able to fall in love again suggests itself. Living through a depressive phase is perfectly fine. Getting out of it, however, can turn out to be difficult if we sink into it. It can help to force yourself to leave the house.

  • 5. Acceptance: The last stage follows sooner or later. It has a sobering effect, but a relieving one too. Life somehow goes on and the breakup has simply happened. We may even see some meaning in the breakup and accept our powerlessness. For us it's okay to look ahead, even if that means suppressing our feelings of grief.

Getting over a breakup

How does this help us?

Always keep in mind that you can get over the breakup. Remember that you'll accept the breakup at some point. Maybe you can sense yourself moving through the different stages. If you're in stage 4, for example, you can be glad. Because the breakup will soon be worked through.